And so just like that I left the rat race. It all came to ahead when I realised that I was trying to do two jobs and I wasn’t doing either of them very well. The constant guilt from leaving the kids but also from staying at home – I felt guilty for myself and for my ambitions, should I just set these to one side for a while until I am no longer required as a 100% mum? The funny thing is that I don’t think the 100% mum requirement ever goes away – I still need my mum, ok not 100% of the time but seriously if I ring her I want her to pick up the phone, so maybe it is ALL of the time FOREVER!!
Taking a step back from work has been amazing, I am so grateful for Dan for pretty much working harder so that I can be there to take and pick up little miss s from school and to be able to have the opportunity to go to class assembly and volunteer for reading group (ok so this may never happen but at least I could!) When I say take a step back I mean stay at home – I am still working but more on my terms, I save time as I don’t need to drive to work, chat over lunch or stay until the clock strikes 5. I finish when I finish the jobs I need to do – this maybe at 3pm or it could go on well into the night once the munchkins are in bed, but it means I get to be present at tea time and on the playground. Weirdly its something I didn’t think would ever bother me – I love working, I found that after having little miss s I was desperate to go back to work and rediscover ‘me’ to go back to ‘normal’ and I did, but in finding me I lost a little of my drive. I have never really had a ‘career’ I have waited tables, sold accidental death insurance, pulled pints, account managed and taught computer packages – a very random and eclectic mix of things that never really floated my boat. Then I became a mum and it has been the one job that I enjoy, ok there are bad days and worse than that days but in general as soon as the kids go to bed and you have cleared up the carnage of the day and all being well there have been no trips to A&E then you have done a good job, when you kiss them goodnight and they are safe you have done a good job, everytime they smile its like a little tap on the back (sorry that sounds so corny!!…I’m drinking mulled wine can that be an excuse?!)
The fact that little miss s started school in September helped in making this decision, who knew that school was such a pain in the arse?! I naively thought that it would just hugely save me money on childcare…oh no because school starts later and finishes early, like 3.20pm early. I was used to dropping off at 8.30am and picking up at 5.30pm, I know a mammoth day for the kids but it was manageable for me and I could fit everything in. Then Bam September happened and I couldn’t drop off early or pick up late, add to that the fact that both kids needed to go to different locations and every morning was like mission impossible. I can safely say that in the few weeks that I did this two drop off in different locations in different directions I only got it wrong once – I was sat in the car one morning at work wondering why I was so early… yep Master R was still in the back and nope kids aren’t really allowed at work!! That day was not a great day!
Added to the logistics of school is the fact that it occurs EVERYDAY – of course I knew this, but I didn’t really think it through. Everyday we have to be on time, organised, dressed and awake – I am not awake everyday. Kids seem that have this amazing ability to wake up 2-3 times in the night and still rise like spring chickens the next morning, I do not, I am like some sort of disorientated zombie who has kidnapped some questionably dressed children and made it to the school yard in a stroke of pure luck, on time! (side note: we live like a stones throw from the school and we can still be late!)
But never fear its half term now… a whole week at home with the kids at the end of the month so with little funds and I think its going to rain…
And so the newest Thompson Family adventure begins, the world of working from home, the world of working with the husband, the world of being 100% mum!!!!!!