When you become a mum you have endless conversations with fellow new mums about your pregnancy and birth experiences and it soon becomes apparent that what they say is true… everyone is different!
Little did I know that my very own pregnancies would be so very different;
The first with little miss s was full of anticipation and wonder, I spent the first three months dying to tell everyman and his dog – looking into the ‘essential baby buys’ what needs to be packed in my hospital bag and endless web research on what happens week-by-week. I obsessed over the little things from, is this morning sickness to is my bump the right size? We had every test going thinking that this was essential and what you had to do – we attended the classes and read the books, we were ready(ish). We even found out the sex and named our little angel at around 25 weeks – we spent the remainder of the pregnancy trying to keep both a secret from our families…that didn’t really work!!
This first experience felt like it took ages to progress and I looked forward to each midwife appointment, learning more about this little person growing inside of me. Don’t get me wrong, along with my curiosity came fear and dread –I was going into the un-known and didn’t to the full extent imagine how much my life would change after the little arrival. I spent the 10 months (yes its 10 months people not 9!!) eating what I wanting and generally being a little pathetic, sleeping and resting at any given opportunity and man did I milk it with the hubby, as a result I put on 3 stone, which for someone who only just reaches 5ft wasn’t the easiest to pull off. And then finally at 40+1.5 weeks the little monster affectionately known on here as little miss s arrived and became part of our little family.
I enjoyed my first experience of pregnancy and at no point ever believed anything could go wrong, it didn’t (ok bar Bells Palsy but that is more of a blip!) and I was lucky, little miss s is the most precious and loved person in both mine and Dan’s world and this made my second pregnancy experience all the more heart breaking.
We always knew that we wanted little miss s to have siblings and when last spring I found out that I was expecting again we were both over the moon, the age gap would be a prefect 2.5 years and we both felt that we were more than ready for our next family challenge, even if it was a little bit of a shock! As with pregnancy #1 we were positive and felt like this was our time, I was however feeling like death and couldn’t seem to keep anything up (I seem to have the opposite to morning sickness!) on some days I was unable to venture 5 metres from the loo and found myself staying home with little miss s to avoid any potential ‘episodes!’. To add to our excitement the little one was due on New Year’s Eve, not the best planning but it would make for an interesting Christmas! Our 12 week scan came round and both Dan and I waited with great excitement to catch a glimpse of our newest addition… Now when everything goes really quite in the scan room and the nurse gives you a look that can only mean one thing, it generally does. It turns out that pregnancy #2 was not meant to be – my heart broke in an instant. The rest of this pregnancy experience is private I’m afraid and the moments, conversations and emotions that followed will remain between Dan and myself and be something we will never forget. All sorts of feelings go through your mind, and you think you’ll never get over it or want to put yourself through it ever again, which leads me onto pregnancy #3…
I have mentioned on this here blog before that I may have gone a little mental… the first 12 weeks of pregnancy #3 was a mixture of stress, anxiety, panic attacks, fear and an overwhelming feeling of dread. I did not want to believe that all would be fine as I did that last time. This time round I did not allow myself to think ahead, we took each day as it came and muddled our way through to our first scan. At 12 weeks, we were terrified – Dan was my rock and at the sight of our baby our hearts skipped a beat – there it was in all its moving, heart beating glory… and relax!
Normal service kind of resumed, we allowed ourselves to think about our baby and to even start thinking of names…the arguments have begun!! This time round everything could not be more different, I have had to completely change my diet as it seems diary just does not agree with me and by doing this I have nearly eliminated the ‘episodes’ so there has been no chocolate, cake, cheese, yoghurts, milk over the last 20 weeks (seriously nearly died over Christmas!) and when I say ‘no’ I may have cheated a few times just to test my tolerance! I have not put on any weight really and am being very careful with my diet – I am very aware that what I do can directly effect my unborn child. Look after yourself, look after them!
At 25 weeks gone, my bump is growing and so is my excitement and love for the little person growing inside of me as it did with all of them – pregnancy number three, baby number three we cannot wait to meet you. (15 weeks and counting!)
Will I get pregnant again?!… we’ll see! For every pregnancy for me (for many it’s different, if we were all the same it would be boring!) there is very much a baby and you are a mum, be it 2 weeks or 40 they become a part of your life, your past and your future – it’s just you may not get to meet them all. They shape the way you cherish all of your nearest and dearest and I would like to say thank you to mine as without them I would have without a doubt gone prober mental!